A created life – conscious decision making unedited in career experimentation

“Unless we find ways to wrest control of our own lives from society all of our decisions will continue to be made by the unnoticed forces of the cultures in which we live”

Martin Heidegger

I graduated in 2005 from my BA in English & Philosophy and 2006 from my MSC in International Business at the Business School. Over the past 10 years I’ve worked at a large consulting firm, boutique branding agencies as a strategist and a short stint as a travel writer. I’ve quit, been fired, travelled for a few years, dealt with depression, written a novel, taken thousands of photographs of models, actors and countries…so now? I’m a freelance brand consultant & photographer moving to Mumbai via Norway, Dubai & Oman…Needless to say life hasn’t quite worked out how I expected it to.

I hope my experiences can help provide a new perspective for some and probably provide amusement for others, but it’s been my path and I write from my experience, what’s worked and hasn’t worked for me won’t necessarily be the same for you…

19:05, I was stood on the platform at London Bridge and couldn’t breathe…I’d missed my train by a minute and faced an hour’s wait on a freezing winter evening and a 1.5 hour journey home after that. I was having a full-blown panic attack… a slightly over-dramatic reaction for sure. But it was indicative of a wider problem, a lack of purpose created by living the life I thought I should be, rather than doing the work to find out what I truly wanted to experience and achieve during my stint on this planet.

My decisions weren’t aligned with my values – which wasn’t surprising as I consciously had no idea what my values were.

That was  8 years ago, now I have my own business and I’m writing this from Tromso, Norway chasing the northern lights before heading to Dubai and Oman before settling in Mumbai to work with an NGO. So how did I get here? Well I experimented, tried a lot of different options in my 20’s – here are a few of the experiments I’ve taken and some of my realisations:

The first job

My first job out of university was on a grad scheme at a large consulting firm in the city. I had my suit, shiny shoes, backpack with laptop compartment and a smart new overcoat…I was ready. Nope, no I wasn’t, not even a little bit.

Large corporates give you great opportunities to work on big projects; the training I received was exceptional and it set me up very well straight out of university. They pay well and provide structure to your career. All great attributes…but I wasn’t happy, in fact I was diagnosed with depression after a year; not directly as a result of the job but probably a combination of a 2 hour commute, having no time to myself and dealing with my Grandfather’s Alzheimer’s and death a week into my enrollment – all as I now realise (apart from the Alzheimer’s) a direct result of my unconscious decisions…

I’d never really thought about why I wanted to be a Management Consultant but since I didn’t study Law or Medicine I took that route – good pay, a variety of projects, travel and opportunities…all good things, but it wasn’t the place for me at the time.

Learnings:

• My Grandfather taught me to fish, and taught me how to make the best of situations – he was stationed in Palestine with their police force. But the greatest lesson he taught me was that one-day either my brain or my body won’t work and I won’t remember anything I’ve done. Don’t delay happiness, don’t spend your days doing things that don’t set your soul on fire, enjoy today make the most of it, because you won’t get it back.

“A headache becomes a brain tumour that becomes a fight against a possibility we never imagined until it’s clear the dreams we saved for later will never happen.”

David Du Chemin

• If it’s what you think you ‘should’ do – think again, there is no ‘next step’ just how you feel and what you feel you want to do – sit down with a cup of tea, pen and pad and think about it…what do you want to spend your time working on?

• Don’t email the CEO of a large international consulting firm quitting by conducting a mock interview with yourself slamming the company whilst copying in all your mates – this wasn’t me but it’s prudent advice.

The paradigm shift

I've worked in two smaller companies, one I was fired from and the other I left and still work for as a consultant. Different companies have different cultures and people. Sometimes it gels sometimes it…doesn’t. Getting fired wasn’t the best thing that ever happened to me, but it caused a paradigm shift, a stark realization that someone had the power to take my life away from me in two words. Find where you belong, if you feel it’s not working it probably won’t in the long run – our time is too short to spend it wondering when things are going to get better...

From that point on I wanted to make sure I had a range of skills that meant I could provide value to different industries through different means so that if one was taken away I had others to continue with. It’s the old adage about eggs in a basket…build your skills and your value to people and companies.

• Sometimes you fit in, sometimes you don’t, sometimes it’s your fault, sometimes it’s not – keep going, you can’t change what’s happened but you can learn from it and effect what’s coming.

• I put a lot of pressure on myself to reach my goals – too much and I end up stressed and burnt out. Sometimes having no goal should be the goal and a change of pace and place can get you over the bridge. For me that was travel.

Changing pace & place

After being cut loose from gainful employment, having a minor meltdown and a brief flirtation with becoming a pilot I was spent, unhappy and exhausted. I had to re-evaluate what I wanted in my life and stop putting pressure on myself to ‘succeed.’ I had been writing in the evenings of my consulting job and enjoyed the creative therapy getting my thoughts out provided me. So I wrote a novel – not to be published, just for myself about the concept of trying to live a life I thought was right for me without knowing who I was – called Constantly Trying Not To Fall Over. It took 4 months and is one of the achievements I’m most proud of. It was the first taste of living according to my heart not my head. I didn’t want to head back into an office after that and I had some savings behind me so I decided to conquer another goal – solo travel...which I’m not going to discuss as there are a billion and one people out there extolling the virtues of travel.

Running my own business: http://www.stuartmamack.com

After a previous boss got in touch when I was in Myanmar I took a role at a small consulting firm based in the countryside which was great, but I was beginning to realise that one of my values was freedom – the ability to live and work on my own timetable. I am more effective when I can work when and where I want – being an introvert I find office environments genuinely distracting.

Last year I decided to try a different option – working for myself. I had slowly built up a few photography clients on the side of my job and saved up enough to tide me over for a few months to pay the mortgage, eat and have a vague semblance of a life.  So I set up a brand consulting business and started to grow my photography client list further. One thing led to another and now I have several regular clients that I work with on their brand, design and marketing needs whilst pitching ideas to brands regarding photography projects that I believe could provide value to their marketing.

It’s all still new and thinking of myself as a business and a person has been a bit of a challenge, but I enjoy the freedom to come up with an idea and just go and do it outside the confines of a job description. But it’s hard work, stressful and can by worrying, the privilege of running your own schedule has to be matched with the desire, effort and application you put in.

So those were a few of the main realisations at each stage of my 20s in terms of a career – the thing that underpins all of that is what goes around that – your life.

What do you want?

The way I like to look at it is how I approach any project with a client – what does the end result look like? When you’re looking back at your life, it’s been lived and it’s nearly done and dusted, what do you really want to have experienced and achieved? What will make you smile when you remember?

When you do this you strip out the unnecessary, we’re very good at not thinking about the fact that any day now could be it…we think we have time.

Have a go now…grab a pen and paper and write down what you want to do with your life.

I bet that hours spent screen staring under fluorescent lights wasn’t up there…you have to know what you value deep down before you can make the changes that will align with your values to create a life where you know and have what you want.  As Lewis Carroll wrote – if you don’t know where you’re going any road will take you there…

I try to answer three questions each year

What do I want to be doing?
Where do I want to do it?
Who do I want around me?

The first two I have a certain amount of control over – the third should come when you’ve answered the first two.

“You know one of the biggest causes of anxiety and depression? When we're not living in accordance with our goals, values, who we want to be and what we want from life.”

Derek Weida – Crossfit Athlete

Health:

The underlying theme through all of this is health, without mental and physical health none of this is possible. I’ve suffered from depression and still experience periods of anxiousness now, you learn to manage it but it can still be a huge barrier.

I’m not going to suggest you need 35mg of Yerba Mate mixed with Acai Berries and a sprinkling of nootropics…after your morning green smoothie. Simply here’s what helped me focus whilst reducing my anxiety and depression symptoms:

• Cut down or out the alcohol. It ruined my creativity and worsened my depression and anxiety – do it for a month and see how you feel
• Cut down caffeine - I moved from coffee to Matcha – it contains L-theanine that creates an alertness without the unpleasant side-effects of coffee that seems to increase my anxiety
• Exercise most days – I do crossfit because it’s hard and completely shuts down my conscious brain giving it a rest
• Where you are – your environment is important, I’m an introvert and open plan offices are too distracting for me, give me a quiet room and I can work all day
• Remember to enjoy and not beat yourself up…I’m prone to a fair amount of thinking, planning and working (read worrying) – so much so that I forgot what I actually enjoy doing ‘for fun’ when you work for yourself there’s no start and finish, it’s on you to manage your time. Make sure you’re having a fun…

When you have these two things health and an understanding of your values and where you want to get to you can start to create the life you want to live.

These are the main ones for me but I also asked some of my friends what they’ve learned in their 20’s and this was what they came back with:

Ed Stephens, Director Brokerage: Angel Investment Networks

“Don't be indifferent to your well being - it's easy to not care and feel nothing but faced with the actuality……there is no upside.”

Max Barry, Chief Technical Officer: Route 1

“Celebrate your achievements. No one will be a fan of you, but you. And recognising when you've found success at something is important. It’s like it builds and builds until you face a new challenge and know you've been to the mountain before. Then you begin thinking about why it will work instead of won't.”

Alex Holden, CEO: Oliver Burns

“There is no substitute for hard work and that if you really want to get somewhere or get ahead you have to put in the long hours and always go above and beyond the call of duty”

So what’s next?

I have shoots booked in Norway, Dubai and Oman then I’ll be based in Mumbai creating online content for an NGO that works in Indian slums to provide a route into employment for children. I’ll be working remotely for my clients back in the UK and building the photography & consulting sides of my business. I also have plans for a second novel and a personal project based around the ideas in this article…after that…I’m not sure, but I’ll review and know what the next step is at the right time.

For much of my 20’s I was walking a path of fear disguised as practicality and I know there’s no telling how this will all work out but if you’re not enjoying today, or yesterday and probably won’t enjoy tomorrow…you might want to think about a bit of a change. Don’t throw it all away, quit your job and ‘travel the world,’ that’s the easy route. Take a moment, think and write down what you want your life to say about you.

Start at the end.

“Death is not the end of life. Many lives end sooner, some long to be extinguished, and some never truly live at all.”

Umair Haque

Please do get in touch if any of this has resonated with you and you have any questions about where you are headed, or you are interested in working with me. Here’s my email address, website and Instagram handle:

E-mail: stuart@stuartmamack.com
Web: www.stuartmamack.com
Instagram: @stuart_mack