What's happened? What's been happening? I had no words to explain. I just knew that I felt wrong.

But I was mortified when anybody noticed this, and so I'd hide it because I didn't want to bring shame on myself or any of the people around me.

But it was up here in Nottingham as a young adult, on my own in a new place with new people around me, that this became this sort of wrongness inside became harder and harder to hide.