Unsure about asking about someone's sexuality or gender identity? Our tips might help.

How should I ask somebody about their sexuality?

First, ask yourself why you need to know. Is it so that you can give them the best support, or just because you’re curious? A person’s sexual identity is private: the most important thing is not to assume that everybody’s straight because then they can feel forced to come out when it’s not strictly necessary, and not to make someone feel like they have to tell you their identity.

How should I ask somebody about their gender identity?

Again, first you should ask yourself why you need to know. Second, you should try not to assume based on someone’s appearance or name. If you want to refer to somebody (for example as “she” or “they”) and need to know how to do so respectfully, you can ask them what pronouns they use (see ‘pronouns’).

You should also check if that person is happy for you to use their pronouns publicly, or if this might reveal their LGBTQ+ identity (see ‘outing’). If you accidentally misgender someone, just apologise and move on – it’s best not to make a big deal out of it as this can make people feel uncomfortable or even unsafe.