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A guide to help you support a friend or peer in difficulty

This guide provides supportive information to students who are concerned about the mental health and wellbeing of other students. It is particularly useful for students who also have a role supporting other students. It will help you identify when a friend or peer may be in difficulty and explain the support available.

 If you are a parent/carer of a student you can find more information on the support available at the university on our FAQ for family and friends page

Are you concerned about a friend or peer studying at the university?
 
How do I respond to a friend who asks for support?
 

 

Tips when supporting a friend or peer

  • Don’t be afraid to ask, it shows you care about them.
  • Encourage the person you are supporting to be independent, so they have control.
  • Provide an open and non-judgemental space with no distractions.
  • Keep questions open ended and listen attentively. If they ask questions, or for advice, try not to provide answers and guidance you do not feel confident, or comfortable to give. It may be useful to repeat what they have said back to them to ensure you have understood what they have said.
  • If appropriate talk about wellbeing and the importance of self-care. You may want to include healthy eating, sleep, exercise, rest and relaxation etc.
  • Only offer support you feel confident and comfortable providing. Many things will affect the amount of support we feel able to give - our relationship with the person, our own personal circumstances, etc. It is not your responsibility to provide help. If you are not the right person to support your friend, you can help them by identifying who they can speak to.
  • If your friend asks to talk to you in complete confidence, try not to promise this. Assure them you will keep their confidence as much as possible and will not share what they say with friends and peers, but do not offer complete confidence. They may share difficult information with you that is distressing and/or worrying that you may need to share with appropriate staff to protect them, others, and yourself. 
  • Provide information and signpost. The HealthyU webpages are a good place to start, you can find information about support at the university, the students’ union as well as support in the local community. 
  • Finally, know your limits and look after yourself. Supporting people who are struggling can impact negatively on our own mental health. If you need to, get help and support for yourself. The NurturingU webpage sets out some of the things you can do to take care of yourself.

  

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If someone is struggling it is important to recognise that your role is not to advise or provide care, but to listen and provide support that encourages them to access other welfare support services. Support your friend to feel confident about seeking help, rather than do this for them.

  

 

 

Help available at the university

All staff play a part in supporting the welfare of students but there are staff with specific roles which include supporting student welfare and wellbeing.

 

Personal (academic) Tutors/Personal Guides
 
Support and Wellbeing Team
 
Residential Experience Team (ResX)
 
Community Engagement Team
 
Specialist Wellbeing Services – Counselling and Mental Health Advisory Services
 
Report & Support
 
Chaplaincy
 
Security
 
Students' Union Advice
 
Nightline
 
Welfare officers (welcome, network, clubs and societies)
 
Local support GP (Doctor)
 

 

 

 

What can I do if:

My friend is struggling to settle into their hall?
 
My friend keeps waking me up in the night for someone to talk to?
 
My friend is struggling to make other friends and has become very dependent on me?
 
How can I help my friend access information about how to improve their mood and wellbeing?
 
I am worried my friend is being bullied?
 
My friend has become depressed and withdrawn?
 
My friend is barely leaving their room and I can’t get them to come out and seek help?
 
My friend has stopped attending lectures and I am worried they will drop out?
 
I am worried that my friend is self-harming?
 
I am worried my friend may have an eating disorder?
 
My friend has started behaving bizarrely and is saying and doing very odd things?
 
I am worried that my friend is drinking too much/taking drugs
 
I am worried my friend is not safe
 
I am worried my friend has been sexually assaulted
 
I am worried that my friend is suicidal?
 
I am worried about my friend, but they insist that they are fine
 
I am worried my friend is experiencing financial difficulty
 
My friend is an international student and is finding it hard to adjust to living and studying in the UK.
 

 

Finally

Remember friends are often the first person we approach when we are having a difficult time. Supporting a friend can impact on our own health and wellbeing. Look after yourself in this situation. Remember your own priorities, self-care is important and it’s vital that you look after your own wellbeing. Student Minds has produced a guide which will help support you to look out for your mates, from starting a conversation to navigating the student journey. 

Visit Student Minds interactive guide

The signs below are to help you consider if your friend may be in difficulty but not to diagnose or identify their potential problems.

 

Signs a friend may be struggling with their mental health

  • Behaving differently than they normally do
  • Crying or tearful
  • Problems sleeping - usually sleep is less and broken, but sometimes can be sleeping too much
  • Changes to appetite - usually a loss of appetite but can also be overeating
  • Loss of concentration and poor memory
  • Feeling very negative about themselves, their studies, the world around them
  • Becoming socially isolated and withdrawn
  • Feeling anxious or having panic attacks
  • Drinking too much alcohol or using drugs
  • Change in appearance - especially self-neglect
  • Bizarre behaviour and not making sense
  • Paranoia

Signs a friend may be experiencing domestic violence

  • Unexplained bruising and signs of possible physical violence
  • Loss of confidence/change in behaviour
  • They have become isolated from friends and family
  • They have stopped attending lectures and are not completing work
  • They receive high number of messages and calls from their partner/family member when not together and constantly check their phone, must respond immediately and check in
  • They seem very controlled by their partner/family member
  • Their partner/family member may put them down and humiliate them in front of others
  • Limited or no access to finances
 

 Updated: August 2024