Internalised behaviours

Some children express their inability to self-regulate their emotions through internalised behaviours.

These behaviours are harder to notice as they don’t disrupt others. Children may appear sad, worried, and anxious, withdrawn from social situations or carers.

A child who internalises their emotions will still feel things strongly, but keeps these feelings inside. They are suppressing their emotions. If such a child falls and hurts themselves they may not cry and ask for help.

It’s important for a child to learn how to express their emotions. Suppressing emotions is not the same as regulating them. Parents and carers have a large role to play in recognising and helping the child to manage their emotions at this age.

Sensitive and comforting care, from warm and caring adults, help children develop self-regulation. Parents and carers can also model behaviours such as waiting, listening, talking about and naming their own emotions and coping with the normal frustrations of daily life in a positive way. Adults can encourage a child to build up skills slowly, for example to wait for their turn on the slide, or to talk about how they felt when a playmate wouldn’t share a game or toy.


Isiah - is nearly 3 and can share a toy when Mum or Dad is in the room.

CORRECT. The answer is Regulated.
Isiah is likely to feel safe when his parents are around which means he is more likely to be curious and interested in other people and therefore willing to share.

INCORRECT. The answer is Regulated.
Isiah is likely to feel safe when his parents are around which means he is more likely to be curious and interested in other people and therefore willing to share.

Alex is 3 and hangs on to the toys in nursery and hits anyone who comes near.

CORRECT. The answer is Non-regulated.
Alex is not feeling secure and will need adult help to settle before his stress levels can reduce. He may then feel less frightened and his behaviour may change.

INCORRECT. The answer is Non-regulated.
Alex is not feeling secure and will need adult help to settle before his stress levels can reduce. He may then feel less frightened and his behaviour may change.

Sam is 4 and takes a favourite soft blanket to school.

CORRECT. The answer is Regulated.
At around 12 months of age infants often seem attached to a blanket, soft toy or dummy that helps them soothe themselves. For many children, this transitional object can be a comfort for many years e.g. when starting school or when ill. Sam is regulating his emotions by using this object as he adjusts to school life. He is taking responsibility for managing his own feelings.

INCORRECT. The answer is Regulated.
At around 12 months of age infants often seem attached to a blanket, soft toy or dummy that helps them soothe themselves. For many children, this ‘transitional object’ can be a comfort for many years e.g. when starting school or when ill. Sam is regulating his emotions by using this object as he adjusts to school life. He is taking responsibility for managing his own feelings.

Jantha is 4 and has been in school for a term. She can’t sit and listen to a story or concentrate for very long. She looks sad and is uninterested in playing with others.

CORRECT. The answer is Suppressed.
Jantha is not feeling secure, but she is not disrupting others. Her emotions may be strong enough to prevent her paying attention or playing with others, but she is keeping them all inside.

INCORRECT. The answer is Suppressed
Jantha is not feeling secure and she is not disrupting others. Her emotions may be strong enough to prevent her paying attention or playing with others, but she is keeping them all inside.